|Deviant Login||Shop||Join deviantART for FREE||Take the Tour|
a daydream spillsyou'd think it would get easier.
you'd think, with every passing day the usual sting would lessen, just a little bit.
muted, turned down like volume control.
and strangely enough it doesn't.
two years and that volume hasn't gone down one notch.
christmas rolls around again, birthdays.
and still it thuds away, a needle in the back of the brain.
nuclear family blew up
and we all flew through the air, in different directions.
our Chernobyl is alive with the glory of love.
this imitation of family values is too bright to be real.
too highly polished, too obvious
to put these cancer patients to sleep.
this doesn't need a titleso i wrote you down, filed you, put you in a folder in the back of the drawer.
i wrote down everything i knew about you, which is everything in essence.
i wrote you both down, you'll always be together now.
and then i set you on fire, paper you of course.
i struck a whole box of matches and watched you burn, curling up at the edges-trying to get away.
on the floor, paper you, twirling up at the edges.
as if praying to the stars to save you.
and then the rain came.
and put you out, so i guess that prayer worked.
even in the light and heat and raw anger of fire you survived.
and proved even Plato wrong.
so you turned to mus
in spite of languagewriters are just cowards.
what sort of man can't say what he means but can capture his thoughts so perfectly on paper?
those who can't do, teach.
those who can't speak, write.
what sort of person prefers a pen between his fingers over a woman in his bed?
writers will always be doomed never to live life, only to write about it.
they aren't participants, they are the commentators.
so you go off and youll fall in love
and Ill write my bitterness out on my paper and Ill talk about how you never wanted me
and my pages will be filled with every emotion I ever felt, the ones youll never see.
all these thoughts will
after darkwe are so fragile and breakable so why throw ourselves from such great heights?
my mouth was kept shut under lock and key and i couldn't warn you about how much trouble i was and whether i was worth it.
perfection was never coveted, i wanted to memorise the rise and fall of your breath as you slept - to bask in those moments and wish you were conscious enough to love me for doing so.
we keep ripping up these old wounds, forgetting scar tissue was built to last.
all the while i dangled up here, a puppet watching over life as it played out on stage below me.
and steadily, more and more each day my toes got a little higher off the ground.
What Am I? Lingering in that photo...
In that simple shot (still, I feel the bullet there)
I look, and I see a woman.
I am not a woman.
I have never worked for a lifestyle,
given birth for an allowance
I have never truly loved a man.
I am not a woman.
I do not have the means to
to wake, feel the calling..(oh, it calls, but I do not answer)
and move, move, move
until I reach a place of
I am not a woman.
Sometimes, I still take the
of my childhood and
place it on shoulders of
HelicaseHelio and I were always sitting on the stairs, chatting about the lamina and occasionally making snide remarks about ribosomes. There wasn't much for us to do. Our job was to simply be, and let the RNA scribble down the letters on our foreheads when they came around every once in a while. Helio was a G, I was a C. It wasn't exactly fulfilling, I suppose. There wasn't much to be filled. So to pass the time, we talked.
"You ever wonder?" Helio asked.
"About...well...what's out there." Helio and I were rooted to the stairs, quite happily, but it was awkward to move in. He kind of twisted in the general direction of the closest pore. "Out in the cytoplasm."
"I haven't," I admitted. "What's there to wonder about?"
"That's exactly the thing. I have no idea." Helio sighed, gazing into the distance. "Somehow it feels like we play this huge, huge role in something important, but how can we when we don't even know what that something is? I want to be something that, that has
Keep in Touch!
`anmari has been spreading her infectious positivity throughout our community for over 6 years. Throughout this time Ana has been at the core of all things devious, passionately developing an eclectic gallery, helping organise devmeets, participating in chat events and also recently completed dedicating her time as a Community Volunteer. We are absolutely delighted to bestow the Deviousness Award for May 2013 to `anmari, congratulations! Read More